WINTER DRIVING TIP #78

"crown victor victoria" (cvv) 01/14/2014 at 09:11 • Filed to: winter driving tips

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Should you find your car wheels-down in a frozen riverbed, the best course of action is to remove all wheels and allow the brake discs to rest directly on the ice. Sitting in the driver's seat with the door open, give a good push with your left foot and then shut the door. You will begin to glide effortlessly on the ice, with the discs acting as skates. Follow the river to the sea or any other large body of water, where you will likely be rescued by fishing boat or container ship full of goods from China. Note that if waterfalls exist along the river, this tactic should be avoided.

Similarly, if you get stuck on a snow hill where children play on sleds and toboggans, follow the same steps. The car will whoosh along merrily on its smooth underside, and the front brake discs will act as crude rudders. Eventually you will come to a road surface, where the brake discs will make contact with the asphalt and cause thousands of dollars of damage to your car and the road.

Hoccy > crown victor victoria 01/14/2014 at 09:25

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I'd rather have skis on mye car.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > crown victor victoria 01/14/2014 at 09:40

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It should be noted that drum brakes also typically have an edge that will function as a crude skate, and are less likely to suffer immediate damage making contact with the asphalt. ADVANTAGE: DRUMS.